I hate or I laugh when people ask me whether I feel different just because it was my birthday. Because 90% of the time I feel the same. I always did. If I am to change in some ways (and I did a lot throughout this last years) it will not happen because it's the 16th of March but because other shit happens, stuff that you can't control. When everything around you changes, that's when you change. Not when you turn fuckin' 18.
This year was different. Cause shortly after, I really felt something. An urge...this strange feeling like I reached this new place from where I have a clear path that I need to follow. There's like no waiting involved. And my life has always been about waiting for stuff to happen. Most of the times it happened. It all worked out eventually, although in the process, the road was always bumpy as hell. I realize now that I was so wrong and that waiting for shit to come to you is not the way to go round.
I've grown up, and I am not referring to the mental part but of the actual age. It's time I found my way. I still wish for my childhood-teenage-stuff to be preserved so that I will never forget that spirit that I'm always proud of. But I think I've discovered that part of myself a bit too late. I think it's time for me to move on from that to a real grown-up. I realize now that I kinda'of wish new things from life. I also realize that as I try to put things in motion, it all comes in motion pretty easily. That's a thing that I should be grateful of. I am lucky. All that I have to do now is to just...find the right path.
The bricks lay ahead of me. I don't know what's ahead. I just hope I take the right way to the place where I can hope for my idealistic life.
Up until recently I felt that I could be happy by just doing the stuff that I like and be with the people I love. Now I see things differently. I have to seek for my happiness, not just wait for it. I am not abandoning the stuff that I like and the people that I love. I am just looking for a different way for this story...my story...to develop.
Let's hope that I do the right things.