I never thought what will happen when I will give up the blog. Why so? Well, because at a certain point I imagined myself writing on it when I would be like...30. I don't know how wil that ever happen but anyway...
What happened was that I received a second blow. Yeah it really happens to me lately, huh? This time was more serious, deeper and even more personal. It's been 2 weeks since then (oh my God, that much already?) and I still don't feel better. I am empty. I lost all of my enthusiasm that I gathered all this school year. I can't really think for a good reason to...you know...enjoy this holiday.
Last time when I whispered secret things here, I was reflecting over a lost friendship. Something that lasted very long and that had a weird, sudden and stupid end. This time was more than a friendship, but the wierd thing is that there's no guilt in what happened. Nothing was depending on us. It was just...fate? Should I call it like that? It was just how things happened to be.
It was painful. Still is. Better said, I haven't been recovering a bit. I was mad on everything, on everyone. I had this rage in me...I wanted everyone to just dissapear. What a strange feeling...if it's not her, then let it be no one. Childish? Maybe. But that's how I felt (How I Still Feel?).
So, I carry on living, although I can't bare this situation. What am I going to do? Enter hibernation until the whole summer ends? Tempting but no. I don't really know if this works all the time...but it seems that good things always come after bad ones. It happened before. Will it happen again? Let us hope so...
I was angry so I gave up the blog, thinking that I will never be that personal again in here. And if that would have been so, then there would have been no reason to keep it alive. Because everything that I write in here is a true and honest part of myself. A tiny piece of soul. I've always been sincere in here and I intend to keep it that way. But two weeks ago I thought I would never be the same again, regarding the blog. Well, I'm still not sure about this, but the confession has already been made.
What made me come back? Those people over there...listed at the "www map". They still enter this site from time to time. So why waste their time and effort? If they enter, let's give them something to read. I don't know how much this will mean to them, but still...it's something.
Secondly, it's all about writing. I remembered that I love writing. Among other things... I don't really know if I need food and water (don't think so...) but I really need music, my guitar and writing. It's the main reason of why I live right now. The blog is a good way to carry on writing without being necesarily very creative. Keeps me fit regarding writing...
I'm not sure where this goes. Where do I go? Until I find out, I'll go strum a bit the guitar, listen to my beautiful music and write... All good? I think this should do for a survival of a three month holiday.
Yeah, I'm back. Kinda'of. I'm different. A different person, but I don't really care about who I am right now. It's carpe diem baby! Or in my case...just make the moment pass (live it if possible, but first make it pass).
Not sure when I'll write, don't forget - it's still holiday-time (although I hate it) - but I'll be looking forward on writing again. So there's still some hope left... :D
I'm coming home,
I've been gone for far too long,
Do you remember me at all?
Have I fucked things up again,
Too much time without you spent.
Hearts burst into fire!