What I originally was trying to say is that 19 isn't always the right age to just go out there and survive. Sometimes you get out there and you feel...lost. You start taking decisions that aren't always the best ones, and you don't know because there's no one there to tell you that.
Then comes the moment when you're being judged and it's the part that I hate the most. How the fuck can you judge someone who's just trying to find his/her way? Were you better? Were you more prepared on what to do by yourself?
Then why judge me? Why? It's annoying how you keep on pushing.
I learned that our generation is very loud, very theatrical. We usually don't back down, we don't give up, we don't get down. If we dow get down, we don't do it quietly. No. We let everyone know that we were there and we keep on screaming.
I like this attitude, this mentality, this persistance.
I also hate how it is implied that out there...you need to be just like all the others. Like bribing. I hate bribing. I think it's just disgusting. I feel sick whenever I hear about it. I hate how nowadays everybody in this country thinks it's perfectly okay to do that. We are all sick if we think that and we'll be continue to be the garbage of Europe if we carry on with this mentality.
There's no dignity left. No dignity.
A couple of days ago, a very popular man of culture passed away. Beyond all the pathetic interest that suddenly everybody has of him (it kinda'of reminds me of Michael or Madalina), there's also this manner of categorizing the man - the media calling him "the greatest after Eminescu" and all that and I don't agree. Because by calling him that and praising him for his influence in the "communism era" you just mock people who really opposed the system.
People who stayed in prison, people who died believing in what the man claims to have also fought for, while being very friendly to the system. I won't deny his talent, his writing skills or his cultural impact in the communism era. But in my opinion he was far from being a real anti-communist.
I think he also had some dignity issues. Maybe I'm being unfair, maybe not. Maybe I just don't know the whole story. Or maybe the truth is somwehere in the middle.
I just know this. Today, the present day, we lack dignity. We take shameful decisions and we aknowledge them as being fair. In the same time we take hits, we take criticism with no understanding from others. Only superiority. Where is this leaving us?
I'm not trying to express anything specifically, just trying to find some answers...